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Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tomorrow, I'll be over at the TeensReadToo Book Club Blog, so ... click here to hear more about A FINDERS-KEEPERS PLACE, my event-filled suburban childhood, and how I was obsessed with Judy Blume. (Okay, I'm still obsessed with her, but that's neither here, nor there.) There are also more prizes to win!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
I'm walking down the hall at school and I hear a toilet flush...immediately followed by a first grader who is (how shall I say it politely?) not all the way zipped and put back together.
We have automatic toilets in our new school (you know; like the ones at the airport--where you're not entirely done with everything and the bottom all of a sudden whooshes and literally drops out from beneath you). That's scary enough for me, but it can be just plain terrifying for a six-year-old. (The automatic sinks are a different story--HOURS could go by and there would still be fun to be had with the automatic sinks in the first grade bathrooms.)
I was afraid of PLENTY when I was six. In fact, without even trying, I came up with a pretty good list:
1) sea kelp: It really doesn't need much explanation. Especially the sea kelp from the Pacific Ocean--it has sea monster tentacles written all over it.
2) the dark: duh. My dad tried taking me outside during the night to show me all of the items in the yard. "See," he said. "It's the same maple tree that's there in the daytime." I wasn't buying any of that. Everyone knows the Wizard of Oz tree comes out at night. The poky sharp parts don't reveal themselves in the daytime. Again: duh.
3) And speaking of the Wizard of Oz...no, I'm not going to say the flying monkeys--they were nothing compared to the witch flying through the air on the bicycle (you can hear the music playing in your head when I just mention her, can't you?). My parents had to hang a special sheet on my window, because my frilly white curtains didn't hide her flying by.
4) Outhouses when we were camping--it's in the monster-under-my-bed category. Best to go in the woods. Setting foot in one of those places is just asking for something to reach up for you.
5) Clowns--really, why would anyone think they would make children happy? These creatures are something the horror screenwriters claim as their own, and rightly so. If you need anymore convincing of these terror-inducing entities, just talk to my brother. He'll talk you right out of having one at your next party.
6) The monsters/snakes/(fill in the blank) under my bed. I had really well-developed leg muscles for six. And I'm pretty sure I was close to an Olympic qualifying time in the triple jump. I could take a leap from back by my bedroom door and never even skim the lower part of my mattress when I was getting in bed at night.
As I look out my window, I can see it'll be dark soon...all I can say is, I'm PLENTY happy that someone threw water on the mean lady with the flying bicycle...