Monday, July 30, 2012

The Sweet Life

When we drove up, my niece was in full sprinkler regalia, also known as, just her underwear.  I want to be a two-year-old again.  You can get away with pretty much anything.

"We're going to go to dinner," my sister-in-law told her.  "Let's go get some clothes on you."

"Nope," she said.  "I want to be naked."  She then proceeded to peel off her remaining clothes, and she settled in on the front step where she had an excellent view of the neighborhood.  That doesn't go over very well if you're not two.  

The life of a two-year-old is sweet.  There are so many perks that sadly go unappreciated until many years later.  

If you decide you don't want something, you merely cast it aside, and somebody else picks it up for you.

You get hungry, and all you have to do is say, please, and a super delicious fruit roll-up magically appears for you.

You decide you're tired of walking, and you merely go boneless, and somebody has to pick you up.  It's the rule.  

Sometimes we get tired of listening to other people go on and on and we just want to hear the sound of our own voice.  It's nice to have the floor.  When you're two, you can make grand announcements and nobody thinks you're crazy or pompous.  This thought must have occurred to my niece when we were all having dinner.  She sat up a little straighter in her highchair and called down the table, "I have no hair!" Then, perhaps realizing that didn't quite make sense, she added, "I have no hair on my knees!"

That got a good laugh from the adults, and suddenly it was as if she'd just written a really good op-ed piece for the New York Times.  Her audience continued to laugh and quote her.

Another thing that's great about being two, is that you don't have to politely pretend that you're too full for dessert, even though you've been secretly plotting how you're going to grab a chocolate chip cookie on a faux bathroom break.  My niece just raised her voice above the table din and called out, "I'm ready for my cookie!"

Yet another perk for the two-year-old set is the great napping option.  Others might look at you disdainfully if you should choose to take a power nap, say, on the job.  But if you're two, it's encouraged.  You can nod off pretty much anywhere and a soft, comfy blanket is bound to automatically appear.  There's also the fantastic pajama option.  Should you desire to do so, you can don your pjs at virtually any time of the day, even on a trip to the grocery store,  and no one will call you white trash.

So to all you Judgy McJudgers out there:  Should I happen to nod off at work in my jammies with a little cookie drool in the corner of my mouth, just move along, people.  Nothing to see here.